Moving Out Moved My Heart Home

How Living Alone Can Create Sacred Space to Grow Closer to God

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me — Revelation 3:20

A New Tide

Almost three years ago, I uprooted from everything familiar and moved out for the first time into a one bedroom apartment by the Long Beach bay, for the purposes of finishing my bachelors degree in English.

I remember having alternatives to choose from when I was deciding to make this transition. I could have stayed local in that season of life, could have opted in for continued living with my parents while working full-time at the same store down the street, but deep down, I knew something needed to change, and I was prepared to leave home for that to happen.

Looking back, I realize how God made a way for this change no matter how unpredictable it may have felt at the time. I realize how the Lord was blessing me with the possibility to enter into a new opportunity and space to live away from those closest to me to ultimately draw closer to Him. Slowly but surely, I would start to see how moving away not only orchestrated an environmental shift, but one spiritually, in the home of my heart.

Entrance into Kitchen

Waves of Change

Homesickness is real, and uprooting from any location in no easy feat. But it was here, in this dense one-on-one season with Jesus that He had prepared a place for me to return to Him, for me to find His heart for myself, for real, as if for the first time.

This was no overnight process. Rather, a certain breaking and remaking had to take place for me to see what it meant to have a deeply devoted relationship with Jesus; there was some literal breaking too. Two weeks in, I cracked my elbow while rollerskating at night on the boardwalk, a story for another time...

Though fresh and exciting, the first few months settling in were uncomfortable and stung with the bite of a loneliness I was not used to. Everything felt foreign. I remember sitting on the wooden floor with my guitar ( I had no couch yet) trying to articulate through song the drastic shift I was feeling. Words like "change" and "different" were often scribbled throughout my journal pages as the newness of living here became a reality.

Breakfast Nook

Me, Myself, and Jesus

As I soaked in my new surroundings ( Rosie's dog beach was a stride away) and plunged into full time work and school, I was forced to rely on Jesus more than I ever had to before. I loved taking long runs beside the setting sun overlooking the bay, and coming home to cook dinner in my mini kitchen, in peace with Him. Soon, this antique apartment became my upstairs sanctuary. On my knees in the quiet hours of the evening, I started to meet with God about everything. It is a strangely intimate dynamic, the density of His company when living solo. I felt less alone than I have ever felt in my entire life.

Now living alone is perhaps not for all, nor is it forever, but it can be a time when we can grow personally on profound levels. More importantly, it can absolutely create sacred space to grow closer to God.

In truth, there is a world of difference between isolation and solitude. Solitude makes room for a thoughtful and carved out space while isolation tends to a build a colder, more bitter place. Not only did having this apartment enable me to personally find the Lord, but find myself more in process. I would not be who I am today without experiencing these two years, and He knew that all along.

Spanish Archway into Living Room

Time Apart

One of the first observations the Lord made in making man was that it was "not good that the man should be alone”( Genesis 2:18). We are, as God hardwired us, better together hands down. However, there may come seasons in life when the Lord allows for a time apart, time away, from others, in order to shape us independently in those "solitude spaces," and this is a beautiful thing to embrace.

Maybe I hadn't uprooted from home to find independence after all, but rather to grow in deep dependence of Him. He was the one who had intended for our relationship to be rebirthed here all along, rid of familial influence and noise, so I could clearly hear the message that the Lord stirring in my heart for years, "Come Home." It was here that I answered that call like a child and came back to where I belonged.

Ultimately, feeling more at home does not come from finding the dream destination and collecting a certain amount of amenities, though art and accessories certainly bring a warmth to the atmosphere of a house, but rather making room for Jesus in the homes of our hearts, and inviting Him to dine and dwell there, permanently.

Reading Corner

The Next Landscape

I miss that little apartment, my landlord, the many friendly dogs, the coastal cafes, my vibrant street so close to the beach. It holds a great deal of special memories I will always keep close and contemplate often. When I graduated, I moved out, and returned back to my hometown for the time being, changed and anchored to Him. I praise God for our time together out there, the transformation that took place, through thick and thin. It is a season that will always be cherished. Now, I look forward to the next place He will send me!

So friend, If God is leading you somewhere on this earth, and it doesn't necessarily include the company of your family, roommates, or even a partner, it is natural to feel afraid to make this leap. But I want to encourage you to take heart in knowing that this could be a secret opportunity for one of the most transformative adventures of your lifetime to , with the Lord. And wherever you move, know that He will meet you there.

Your sister in Light,

Lexi

Pictures by ChasingHorizonsPhotography

---