Down Deep

Photo by Zoe Holling on Unsplash

A Poem by Michelle Choiniere

I dig
handfuls of myself
thrown like ashes
nothing left to see

my mind paints mirages
comparisons
of who I want to be

though the worms
don’t judge
I crave affection —
friendship
loneliness pulls me

down deep
rooted in mud
grit covered nails
a nobody

my darkness
seems to bury me
it comes in waves
swallowing like
the slate grey sea

Is this all there is?
wasting away
hurting this flesh
given to me

please

answer me

anybody

like a switch
a light glimmers
a speck drifting
could it be true?

a soft whisper tugs

drawing me in
—daughter
I see you

do not be afraid
my light is greater
than the darkness
that envelops you

something stirs within
pushes me
pries me
from my early grave
revealing someone new

complete—whole
my resurrected body
full of joy
I never knew

the darkness
dissipates
with glow replaced
I’ll never be alone
my whole life
through

Michelle Choiniere is a high school ESL teacher. Two of her poems were published in the anthology Rivers of Ink: Literary Reflections on the Penobscot, and she also wrote and illustrated a children's book called Cammie's Not-So-Normal Morning. She and her husband, Brad, live in rural Maine. Her substack, Pine Grove Cottage, is a collection of writings based on their life in the Maine Woods. You can find it here: pinegrovecottage.substack.com